Thursday, October 11, 2012

Hey, HCG! Remember Me?

It has been 25 months since I posted to this blog.  During that time, I have bounced up and down, on and off, between the Atkins diet (which I deeply believe is the healthiest nutritional lifestyle on the planet) and the HCG diet (which I know from experience is the most effective way to lose a lot of weight in a short time). 
 
Both diets worked well for brief periods, multiple times, but the problem was—to put it simply—me.  I could not seem to recapture the determination that brought me success in the past, both with Atkins and with HCG.
 
Oh, I started strong.  I organized meal plans and prepped dishes ahead of time.  I shopped the edges of the grocery section and spent not a penny on junk food.  Non-nutritive fare would not take up space in my kitchen!
 
However, after a few days there would always be a cake in the teachers’ workroom and/or a candy dish of M&Ms at a department chair meeting and/or an invitation to dinner at China Wok with another couple and/or a church dinner featuring Mexican food (or something equally carb-laden and tempting).  I buckled every time.  Every time.
 
It was especially easy to justify cheating when I didn’t have to pay for the food.  After all, in today’s economy it’s just plain foolish to pass up a free meal.  Or a free piece of cake or a handful of M&Ms…  Isn’t it?
 
Let’s face it.  True foolishness lies in continuing to undermine my own health.  My mother had her first stroke when she was 59, just 17 months older than I am today.  Five years and several more strokes later, she was gone at the too-young age of 64.  Her own father, my maternal grandfather, died of a massive stroke one month before his 60th birthday.   At age 59. 
 
Last month I celebrated my 58th birthday.  In less than 11 months I’ll hit the dreaded 59.  In 17 months I’ll be the same age my mother was when she first landed in the hospital, paralyzed on one side, unable to speak, staring up at us with huge, terrified eyes and blinking once for “no” and twice for “yes.”
 
It’s not like I didn’t see it coming.  That’s why I keep trying, over and over again.  If you’re familiar with this blog, you know I lost 77 lbs. on HCG between November 1, 2009 and May 14, 2010, when I was 55.  I looked good and I felt great.  I vowed to never be obese again!
 
 24 Apr 2010: Me (center) at age 55
with my dad and step-mom
 
Then I remarried.  It was all good until we went on that floating smorgasbord they call a cruise.  Even then, a mere 20 lbs. was not an insurmountable hurdle.  I’d get that weight off again with ease.  After that we were on the road every month for the next 6 months, moving my new husband’s stuff from Wyoming to Arizona.  Add another 10 lbs. for fast food and 14 hours confined to a truck, each direction, each trip.  Okay, I was getting nervous, but I still believed I could do it... one of these days.
 
Ed and I have been married for 2 years and 4 months now.  It didn’t happen all at once, but eventually I regained all but 12 of the 77 lbs. I lost.  I don’t think 12 lbs. makes for a very inspiring “I kept it off!” story.  Especially when there are 65 lbs. that climbed back on.
 
 1 Sept 2012: My husband Ed and I
at a museum on our mutual birthday.
Yowzza!  Where'd that skinny girl go?
 
So here I am, balanced on the precipice.  I can continue to be uncomfortable in my clothing and in my own skin.  I can continue to watch my health deteriorate until I become my mother.  I can continue to comfort myself with food while making excuses about my stress level.  I can procrastinate until I regain that final 12 lbs. and then some.  I can continue to be miserable because I’m out of control and I know it.
 
OR…  I can make a solid commitment to turn my life around now, once and for all.  I can take better care of myself because I care about me.  I can feel good about myself and believe in who I am.  I can give myself the gift of health and my children the gift of being around long enough to be there for them and their future children. 
 
There you have it: A choice must be made.
 
I choose life.  I choose health.  I choose family.  I choose love.  I choose to start again.  And I mean it this time!