Hey, HCG! Remember Me?
It has been 25
months since I posted to this blog.
During that time, I have bounced up and down, on and off, between the
Atkins diet (which I deeply believe is the healthiest nutritional lifestyle on
the planet) and the HCG diet (which I know from experience is the most
effective way to lose a lot of weight in a short time).
Both diets worked
well for brief periods, multiple times, but the problem was—to put it simply—me. I could not seem to recapture the
determination that brought me success in the past, both with Atkins and with
HCG.
Oh, I started
strong. I organized meal plans and
prepped dishes ahead of time. I shopped
the edges of the grocery section and spent not a penny on junk food. Non-nutritive fare would not take up space in
my
kitchen!
However, after a few
days there would always be a cake in the teachers’ workroom and/or a candy dish of M&Ms at a
department chair meeting and/or an
invitation to dinner at China Wok with another couple and/or a church dinner featuring Mexican food (or something equally
carb-laden and tempting). I buckled
every time. Every time.
It was especially
easy to justify cheating when I didn’t have to pay for the food. After all, in today’s economy it’s just plain
foolish to pass up a free meal. Or a
free piece of cake or a handful of M&Ms…
Isn’t it?
Let’s face it. True foolishness lies in continuing to
undermine my own health. My mother had
her first stroke when she was 59, just 17 months older than I am today. Five years and several more strokes later, she
was gone at the too-young age of 64. Her
own father, my maternal grandfather, died of a massive stroke one month before
his 60th birthday. At age
59.
Last month I
celebrated my 58th birthday.
In less than 11 months I’ll hit the dreaded 59. In 17 months I’ll be the same age my mother
was when she first landed in the hospital, paralyzed on one side, unable to
speak, staring up at us with huge, terrified eyes and blinking once for “no”
and twice for “yes.”
It’s not like I
didn’t see it coming. That’s why I keep
trying, over and over again. If you’re
familiar with this blog, you know I lost 77 lbs. on HCG between November 1,
2009 and May 14, 2010, when I was 55. I
looked good and I felt great. I vowed to
never be obese again!
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Then I
remarried. It was all good until we went
on that floating smorgasbord they call a cruise. Even then, a mere 20 lbs. was not an
insurmountable hurdle. I’d get that
weight off again with ease. After that
we were on the road every month for the next 6 months, moving my new husband’s
stuff from Wyoming to Arizona
Ed and I have been
married for 2 years and 4 months now. It
didn’t happen all at once, but eventually I regained all but 12 of the 77 lbs.
I lost. I don’t think 12 lbs. makes for
a very inspiring “I kept it off!” story.
Especially when there are 65 lbs. that climbed back on.
So here I am,
balanced on the precipice. I can
continue to be uncomfortable in my clothing and in my own skin. I can continue to watch my health deteriorate
until I become my mother. I can continue
to comfort myself with food while making excuses about my stress level. I can procrastinate until I regain that final
12 lbs. and then some. I can continue to
be miserable because I’m out of control and I know it.
OR… I can make a solid commitment to
turn my life around now, once and for all.
I can take better care of myself because I care about me.
I can feel good about myself and believe in who I am. I can give myself the gift of health and my
children the gift of being around long enough to be there for them and their
future children.
There you have it: A
choice must be made.
I choose life. I choose health. I choose family. I choose love. I choose to start again. And I mean it this time!
